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You believe it's, but it's not

As a insider who has the opportunity to observe all time how professional Montessori teachers work, I decided to write a series of articles of what I observed and learnt. I'm not a teacher so there can be errors in my writings.

Montessori School

Today I want to share this story.


Mike has 2 moms, Nancy and Mary. One is his mom, and the other is her good friend who loves Mike like her own child.


Since Mike was born, Nancy has dreamed of so many great things on him. Nancy says to herself, "I would not let any hurt happen to Mike. I will do my best to give Mike a happy life. I'll never let him cry!" Mary has also dreamed of so many great things on Mike and wished him to be a great man. Mary says to herself, "I will walk with him when he hurts. I'll wipe his tears when he cries. And I'll be happy together when he smiles. " And because they treat Mike so differently, there are conflicts between them.


One day Nancy met Mary.

Montessori School

Nancy asked, "Do you love Mike?"

Mary replied, "I love him, more than myself. "


Nancy asked, "Then why do you not help him solve problems and protect him from being hurt, so that he can live a happy life?"Montessori School

Mary replied, "I can't protect him forever. One day I'll be old, and he will grow up. He'll have to be responsible for himself, and he'll have to learn how to protect himself. When he is young, I can protect him to the degree that he won't be overwhelmed by the hurt, and he'll learn gradually how to deal with the pain."Preschool


Nancy said, "Actually I know. But I can't. When I see Mike smiling at me, my heart just melts. I feel nothing else really matters at that moment. I just can't see him cry. It hurts me."Daycare

Mary sighed. After a little pause, she said, "My heart hurts to see him cry as well. But I'll let him try. I know this is better for him and I can't let my feeling hold him back. His life is for something bigger and greater." Christian

Nancy asked, "Don't you love him? Love is to protect, to make him happy, to give him the best, isn't it?"Montessori School

Mary looked into the heaven and said, "I love him. I can give my life to him. That's why I love him my way. Love is not just following your feeling. Love is disciplined action which benefits most for his growth. It even means to sacrifice your own happiness. Sometimes, it means to fight against your flesh. Love is not a feeling and the actions taken because of the feeling. You must know what to do and how to do things to give the real best things to him."Daycare


Love is not just a feeling. Love is action, disciplined by self control and knowledge. You have to gain the knowledge of what's really good for his growth. And you have to control yourself when your flesh really wants to take the responsibilities away from him.Bilingual


The bible says, the fruit of the holy spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Self control is the foundation of living the 8 other traits. The correct way to love is so hard that most parents fail. I can't promise I won't fail. I probably will fail as well because the emotions of the flesh is so strong. That's why we need teachers to help our children grow in love and knowledge. It feels a little bit upsetting because we want we are the best to help our children. But love is sacrificing our own happiness sometimes. And if we can't practice the perfect love, at least we can live this small love by denying our need for being significant in all the ways in the child's life. It's our attachment to the child. It's not love.Daycare

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